More Family Traditions

When Sweetness and I married we realized that our outlook on traditions was very different.  I wanted MORE, MORE, MORE and he wanted, well . . .  less.  In the beginning this difference caused a lot of stress, like the year we had four Thanksgiving dinners, or the time we had a  blow out over whether a Christmas wreath on the front door was a "need" or a "want." Gratefully, over the course of  our 27 plus marriage we have learned how to meet in the middle when developing traditions for our family.  

We have always agreed on the tradition of one family trip a year. A compromised tradition of the family trip includes the cashing in of the coins. I should mention that one of us is a saver and one of us is me.   We keep a huge carboy in the master bedroom that everyone feeds with loose change throughout the year.  This "savings account" is hauled out to a local coin exchange.  It is pretty exciting to watch the money add up. It was kind of stressful, however. the year we tried to make it the ONLY spending money we would have for our trip. Regardless of the evolution of our traditions, memories are being made!

Check out Oklahoma Women Bloggers for the full post.

P.S. We will be cashing in this week- any guesses about the grand total?

Hiking the blogosphere

 

St. Mary's Glacier, Colorado 2013

According to Wikipedia, a cairn is a man-made stack of stones.  It is often used by hikers to mark the trail as a landmark to guide the journey.  This month I am honored to be the "blogger of the month" for Oklahoma Women Bloggers.

This opportunity will require more blog posts than I am accustomed.  It is a new trail for me.  As the featured blogger I will have four posts for the month and in between will be posts from other Oklahoma Women Bloggers on the topic of travel and adventure.

This cairn is to help direct the way back, I promise to return to this site with a new post next week.  Please follow my journey by connecting with OWB.  While you are visiting, take a moment to explore.  There are some amazing voices coming from Oklahoma, listen to their stories. 

Happy Trails!

Building Resilience

On May 20^th I was at work in a parent conference with a new family. We didn’t hear the sirens but the dark green sky and hail spurred us into action. We waited and made small talk as we listened to the radio in our safe place (the women’s room).  In Oklahoma we get very specific information about tornados, and we were informed that one had touched down about 20 miles away. Later that evening in our own homes we watched the Godzilla like tornado that devastated Moore and surrounding towns.   In gratitude for our own safety, we all held our breath waiting for news of survivors, and lives lost. 

It will take years to rebuild the structure of towns like Moore, and Shawnee Oklahoma.  

But the community building began immediately.  That is resilience in action.

By May 21^st there were local disaster relief sites organized by scouts, schools, churches, and realtors each finding a spot on the sidewalk to collect water and Gatorade.  People were walking around Wal-Mart and Loews with supply lists.  In the most affected areas neighbors were helping neighbors clean debris and look for pets, photos, and Bibles.   Social media connected us to distant communities who have been through disasters, reaching out because they understand, they have been there too.

When tornados, hurricanes, or terrorists strike, we have a choice.  We can get cynical and depressed, or we can bounce back. The best plan for recovery is to look for the helpers, the heroes, the miracles.  Seek opportunities to be helpful, and build resilience. 

This week those of us away from the eye of the storm need to step back from the bombardment of media coverage.  We need to find an avenue to help and move forward with gratitude. In Oklahoma this is the first full week of summer, it is normal that our kids just want to have fun.  We still need to do the ordinary things like buying shorts and developing a new routine.

I am thinking that my experience at work last Monday is a metaphor for recovery. 

·         We never know when life will become challenging.

·          We all need a safe place.

·         We need to be watchful, patient, and helpful to others. 

·         Tomorrow is a new day.  

What are you doing to build resilience after the storm?

Tornado Recovery Links

As Oklahomans we are all coping with the recent tornado that impacted many of our neighbors.
The recovery effort will take a long time and everyone is encouraged to find a way to help. 

Here are some links to help you to help others:

If you are wanting information about how to help your child with fears from the tornado or know someone who would benefit from this information please direct them to MetroFamily Magazine website. I have written an article with practical advice on the topic.

If you are looking for a way to respond to the recovery effort please check out Oklahoma Women Bloggers they have listed many different (and legitimate) ways to help.

During this time of recovery be encouraged to: Get information, seek support, help where you can,
and stay safe.

Finding the Silver Lining

Mom, Chris, me, & Kate

"Every cloud has a silver lining." Loving someone with mental illness is unpredictable, stressful, scary at times, . . .  and also  wonderful. 

There is mental illness in my family (quite a bit in fact if you look closely).  My brother Chris turned 40 this year and he has been managing Bipolar Disorder for 22 years, and its symptoms for much longer.  I am so proud of Chris, but it wasn't always easy being his sister.

For years my parents took Chris from doctor to doctor to control his "hyperactivity" and "mood swings" and "imagination." Something was different, maybe wrong with him.  His symptoms added stress to our family.  He was Chris, I thought, what more did they need to know?

Once when I was 16 my new friend spent the night at my house after a late evening.  Chris (5 years old) had never met her before and did not know we had an overnight guest.  In the morning she came downstairs in her black pajamas with her long brown hair frizzed out from hairspray and sleep. Chris rushed to the sink and filled a glass of water and threw it on her.  He thought she was the wicked witch from Oz.  It's funny now.

I remember setting my alarm to watch the Smurfs cartoon on Saturday mornings in the dorm lobby when I went out of state to college.  It helped us both with separation anxiety.  We loved doing that together even when we were apart.

Then the phone call when he was hospitalized for the first time.  The supervised visits to a locked unit, with doctors I didn't always trust and medication with horrific side effects.

Sometimes life is like a dark cloud that bocks out the sun, but if you look very closely you will see a ray of sunshine on the outer edge of the cloud. It is the silver lining. It represents the hope that there will be better days ahead. 

The silver lining in loving my brother and living with mental illness in the family is it formed me into a compassionate and nonjudgmental person.  These qualities clearly help me in my role as a psychologist, but they have also been handy in my roles as daughter, wife, mother, citizen, and friend.  I have also met some incredible people that have helped me and my brother journey together.  People like Bonnie Dunn at Transition House in Norman, and Gail Isreal with NAMI Oklahoma. 

Have you watched the movie Silver Linings?  I watched it Friday night at the urging of my daughters.  I loved it- it made me laugh, and cry (always a good thing for me in a movie) added bonus -the psychiatrist is helpful and not very nutty.

 

Do you have a silver lining in loving someone with mental illness?  Please share! 

Walk The Walk

Nearly 60 million Americans have a diagnosable mental illness.  That is one in four adults and one in ten children, who are in need of counseling and or medication and stabilization.  Even in this informational age those numbers are hard for people to accept, and even harder to understand.

Communities are quick to reach out to families impacted by tragedy with offers of support, compassion, and kindness.  But what is the community response to the isolated teenager? Or the homeless guy who talks to himself? The typical response is to look away, and often to walk away.

Let's walk together instead. 

Mental illness can be treated. Families can receive support.  Communities can help.

 

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is our nation's largest grassroots organization dedicated to education, advocacy, and support for the mentally ill. Local NAMI affiliates "talk the talk"  through educational groups, advocacy, and family to family support.  If you go to one of these meetings, even once, it will change your perspective about mental illness.  There is hope, recovery, and true quality of life for families dealing with mental illness on a daily basis.  Find a meeting, you will be glad you did.

 

NAMI also helps communities "walk the walk." 2013 is the 11th anniversary of NAMIWalks which is a nationwide fundraising and awareness event. Last year NAMIWALKS raised almost $10 million to support local programs to improve the lives of persons impacted by mental illness. 

 

Take the first step today to reach out to the millions of families effected by mental illness.  Come join the walk!

 

We walk to celebrate recovery, raise awareness, memorialize loved ones, and fight the stigma of mental illness. I hope to see you there (Suki is coming too)!

 

NamiWalk 5K OKC: Saturday May 18, 2013

Stars and Stripes Park

3701 South Lake Hefner Drive

Registration: 8:00 am

 

Plugging back in after Screen Free Week

Marotta is "on the grid"

I am not Amish.  I fully admit to loving technology and all of the conveniences that come with being "plugged in." Despite my affinity for all things plugged I took the challenge and went off screens for one full week. It was like a trip back in time, except I did have a "mobile" so I could make and receive calls. No texts. No camera. No FaceBook. No email. No exceptions.

It was . . . different.

Driving was super quiet.  I would like to tell you I was a less distracted driver but I rediscovered old  past times for my commute.  Looking out of the windows.Watching other drivers.  Listening to the radio.  Did you hear that NPR aired a special on the Screen Free Week with the author of Doug Unplugged? It was awesome. 

Home was equally quiet.  I found myself particularly productive.  I cleaned, weeded, exercised, read (a book with pages!), and stayed up late.  When the "land line" phone rang I didn't recognize the sound. I was thrilled to hear my college kiddo's voice! She called the home number after trying my cell, and waiting for the text back that never came.  

"Who wrote the Max and Ruby series?"
 "Where is the restaurant?"
 "How many WW points is . . . ?"
"Would you order me tickets for the Listen to Your Mother show?

Family members and  friends were stressed by my seven day experiment.  I was like a three year old with all of my questions. They even nicknamed me "bossy pants" for delegating all google searches their way. Hey--I said thank you!

I stocked the waiting room with games, new toys, and information about SFW.  Many clients participated willingly, some not so much. I saw families playing cards, reading, and talking more.  It was like time travel.

Here are my personal conclusions from my venture out of the informational age:

• Talking was more meaningful and memorable than texting.
• Boredom didn't kill me.
• Boundaries for screens made me more focused.
• Time out from technology meant more movement (one day I logged 16,000 steps!)

I'm officially back on the grid, but making some changes. 

What did you learn from SFW 2013?